I admit it. Last night I lost sleep over a reality TV show. Some stuff just hits too close to home.
I had watched the season five opener of Jon & Kate Plus 8 and couldn’t help but feel deeply saddened and even more deeply disturbed. I was saddened by what appears to be the fate of 8 children who’ve been thrust into the limelight for most of their short lives. I was disturbed by the morose faces of two people faced with the reality that blind faith in the power of family does not conquer all. Or, at least according to Kate Gosselin, it certainly doesn’t conquer grim divorce rate statistics for parents of multiples.
Like almost every mother I know, I was immediately drawn into the now-4-year reality TV series. Yet the attraction was not so much because of the show’s 8 adorable mini stars. Rather, I was compelled by the dynamic between Jon and Kate. It was real. It was gritty. And Kate reminded me a lot of myself.
Strong minded. Willing to speak her mind. Takes her role as mother very seriously. And puts family before all else. But that’s where, I hope, the similarities end.
When I think “family,” I think of not just my kids but my husband as well. Our favorite alpha mom, however, never seemed to view it that way. Maybe our downtrodden daddy never did either.
So, when opportunity came knocking–for Kate in the form of a shiny new book deal and for Jon in the form of a 23 year old schoolteacher–neither parent could resist.
How brilliantly the story was presented to us on the evening of May 25th as we watched a beaten down, baggy-eyed (and baggy clothed) husband staring wearily into the camera. This image was perfectly punctuated by vignettes of Kate, America’s beloved alpha mom sucking it up for the sake of her fans and the integrity of her carefully applied stage makeup.
Some might say the money changed this couple for the worse. I say these two made a much more common mistake, and they started on this doomed path years before reality TV was the boon it is today for any American family that has an even slightly unusual story to share.
Jon and Kate Gosselin forgot to put their marriage first, even before (GASP!) the kids, and dammit, especially before the show. Last night they told America that, no matter what transpires between them, their kids will always come first. Saintly Kate explained that as long as her kids are happy, healthy, cared for and loved, everything is copisthetic.
Was she trying to convince us or herself?
I think Kate knows better but might not be willing to do better. I mean, there’s a lot riding on the new and improved Alpha Kate. Look at her new digs. And new wardrobe. (Did you see what she wore to the toy store? Go Fashion Kate.) Now if only she could find a new husband to replace the shabby old one who never stuck up for what he wanted anyway.
Not that Alpha Kate would have listened.
I’m sure the divorce lawyers will figure everything out.
Fact is, no matter what kind of peachy arrangement her and Jon come up with to make sure their kids are “happy, healthy, cared for and loved,” the 8 Jon and Kate mini-mes will be more wounded by the break up of that family than they ever will be by Jon’s alleged infidelity.
They’ll also forever be wounded by the spectacle of their mother ordering their father around like a family pet that was much more lovable as a puppy than a grown, adult dog.
I’m afraid that long after the show has been canceled, the divorce papers signed, and the 8 children grown, America–and all 10 stars of the defunct show–will not remember that Jon “made some very poor decisions.” We will not remember the beautiful love story of a middle class family overcoming what are really very normal if not multiplied challenges of loving one another through trial and error.
Instead, we’ll remember the close-ups of a woman who thought she had to be in control. In charge. Militant. Unforgiving. Unyielding. And honestly, downright hurtful to not only get things done, but to get things done her way … forsaking what could have been her and Jon’s way.
Quite unapologetic, Jon told the camera he never really wanted all that came with a reality TV series. But did his wants or desires ever really matter that much?
I guess now they finally do.
About this Alpha WAHM Blogger: Karri is the Alpha WAHM who owns this joint. She also happened to write the book. 
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh man, I missed this finale! I honestly only watch the reruns of this show and don’t even PVR them so that tells you in a nutshell how much I enjoy that reality show
Thank gawd for PVR…what a fantastic invention for anyone working from home! I can record and watch whatever I want, whenever I want with no commercials too!
I’ll have to catch this rerun end of the summer when it airs again
Very astute observations. It was extremely striking how neither one of them ever said “I’m there for Jon/Kate”. And how both of them always said “I’m there for MY kids” – not OUR kids. I just kept thinking how terribly sad. It didn’t seem that either one even wanted to make an attempt at saving their marriage – you could see it in the body language. I thought one of them might say, “Our marriage is worth more than this TV show.”
I have a funny feeling this might all be a ploy to keep interest in the show. With all the craziness surrounding the “octo-mom”. The aspect of eight kids has lost it’s edge. So to ad a new aspect of the show bring in the marital problems. This episode was probably the most watched of all the seasons. Everyone has seen this come to light on tv and in magazines and wanted to see what the two of them had to say to each other. Just a theory, but this is a television show after all is said and done. We see what they want us to see.
@Andrea The fact that they would not acknowledge each other AT ALL stood out to me as well. Marriage is hard and while Jon obviously messed up, Kate has to own her part of this as well. (i.e. not just say she was “hard on Jon” but actually address this WITH Jon) Once they get past their anger, if they let themselves, the floodgates will open and I only hope it won’t be too late to save their marriage by that point.
@Scott You make a good point and indeed these reality shows are not 100% “real” all of the time, are they? Deep down, though, I suspect a lot of us sincerely want to see them reconcile. But it will take courage, growth and real change in both of them. It’s tough stuff but I worry Kate is too married to her own convictions to make room for forgiveness and real communication.
@tawnya He he. I still barely know what ‘DVR’ is! Sheesh.
I have never watched a full episode of this show.
The way Kate treated Jon was awful. I couldn’t imagine him really staying with her. She was just horrific.
But I have to admit, my wife is bad to me … just as bad, maybe worse, and though we are not necessarily in love any more we have stayed together. I did it for the kids. I have no idea why she did.