That’s according to Frank Newport who recently gave an interview to the Wall Street Journal. And Newport should know. He’s the editor and chief at Gallup Poll, the research firm responsible for “the official statistic for Well-Being in America.” Yet how can this be true when businesses–large and small–are barely squeaking by in so many sectors of the economy?
The main reason is that we business owners like to be in control.
We don’t take kindly to someone else telling us how to do our work or what to say to customers. This should come as no surprise to those of us who giddily left corporate America for the promise of something more meaningful.
Yet to what extent can “meaning” sustain us? What about paying the bills?
And dammit what about some simple down time for ourselves?
It turns out that running a business doesn’t come up all roses.
“While business owners ranked No. 1 among 11 occupations in overall well-being, they scored relatively low on several criteria used to determine the winner, such as physical and emotional health, access to basic needs and a rating of overall life quality. But they outranked others by such a wide margin on the ‘work environment’ measure—including whether they were satisfied with their jobs and got to use their strengths at work—that it propelled them to the lead in overall well-being.”
Sue Shellenbarger, Wall Street Journal
Sound a little familiar? I know I felt a pang while reading Shellenbarger’s comment. Actually, I felt like she rained on my parade. One minute I was feeling smug in my decision to work at home–to take charge of my destiny. The next minute I felt rather ashamed of what, at times, feels like a glaring inability to manage my own self care. Because that is what “physical and emotional health, access to basic needs and a rating of overall life quality” really comes down to, isn’t it?
Not that I’m discounting the fact that “basic needs” for some entrepreneurs could certainly include things like a yearly trip to the dentist or timely follow ups with the doctor regarding health concerns. Here in Canada I think we do take universal health care for granted to some extent. Though even in Canada, visiting the dentist still hurts in more ways than one. (Universal health care isn’t all that universal if you prefer teeth that don’t rot.)
But what of those quality of life things that we can control?
Why do entrepreneurs–and especially WAHMs–put more care and TLC into their business than they do for themselves?
I think part of the reason is that the entrepreneur does not work to live, but instead, lives to work. We define ourselves by what we do for a living because what we do for a living is inherent to our identity. We don’t “clock out” mentally or physically at the end of the day. We can’t shut off the business we created, nor do we really want to. It’s our passion. It keeps us awake at night. And in fact, we sort of like it that way.
I’ve long argued that “work-life balance” is a myth for the modern work at home mom and not even something the Generation X entrepreneur should strive for at all. Despite the findings of Gallup’s study, I’ll continue to argue this. We find deep meaning in our work and, as such, we cannot easily shelve it while tending to other demands (kids, dinner, laundry, sex … you know what I’m talking about here).
But I do know firsthand, as well as from talking to my WAHM colleagues, that we’re not doing a good enough job of caring for our own basic needs beyond that of food and shelter. We’re not attending to our spirits the way that we should. Yet this doesn’t require we compartmentalize our lives either, scheduling “special me time” for a bubble bath … or “special we time” for … other extracurricular activities.
Life is messy. Being a WAHM is messier.
Instead, the mompreneur of today must find a way to embrace her multiplicity in all its chaotic glory (brace yourselves you control freaks). “Me time” and “we time” comes in fits and spurts, often spontaneously and without a calendar at hand. This is okay. It’s normal. It’s healthy. And it runs contrary to everything the self help gurus and Oprah special guests are going to tell you.
Stop feeling guilty and start replacing “me time” with “life time.” That means it’s perfectly okay if:
- You have to type an email with an infant at your breast.
- You have to steal a “moment” with your husband during lunch hour instead of after the dinner date that has been so strategically planned it feels more like a business meeting than a romantic interlude.
- You leave the supper dishes until morning so you can catch a few minutes with the kids outside before bath time.
- You read business books while “watching” TV with the kids.
- You read business books while canoodling with your husband in bed.
- You read business books while (insert just about any activity you can think of here).
- You greet your husband at the door with a detailed account of a new client conquest instead of “How was your day, honey?”
I could on and on here but you get the point. There is a recession going on. There are lots of things to worry about. Feeling guilty about the work at home lifestyle you’re living shouldn’t be one of them. NOT striking a balance between work and life also shouldn’t be on your list of things to worry about. Instead, find more ways to inject more you into your work. To look after yourself while doing what you love. Because, as Gallup tells us, doing what you love the way you want to do it, is a key to your well-being.
About this Alpha WAHM Blogger: Karri is the Alpha WAHM who owns this joint. She also happened to write the book. 
